Santaphobia

With Christmas just around the corner, there's a lot of talk about the man in red. What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas? Is Santa going to come to your house? Have you been a good boy or girl so Santa will bring you presents?

Around Christmas time, parents' minds turn to ways that they can use Santa Claus to improve their childrens' behavior. Many stories have been contrived and many methods put to use to mold bad behavior into good. I want to share one of mine with you. It is as follows: "you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout" because if you do, mommy and daddy will make you sit on the strange, long-haired, jelly belly's lap and make you tell him what you want for Christmas! Heaven forbid! That threat alone should be enough to keep even the most intractable child in line.


Although some see the reluctance of toddlers to sit on Santa's lap, a sort of Santaphobia if you will, as an innate weakness in children to be cured by indoctrinating them with repeated viewings of the episode of Caillou's Christmas or the like. I, on the other hand, believe it should be exploited as the most effective means to keep your wayward kids in line during this blessed time of the year. After all, the prospect of having to sit on that old man's lap is much more intimidating than the idea of getting only ashes and sticks on Christmas morning or worse a package of underwear!

~Clint